How Am I?

Everyone keeps asking-- how are you? are you ok? how is your family?
Do you want to know how I am? I am freaking the fuck out.
In a nutshell.
And no, that is not a cry for help. That doesn't mean that I need constant attention or supervision or anything else like that. It just means that things are seriously outside of my control right now. And that is not how I operate.
I have an ex that can't face the fact that he was a total -- and I mean TOTAL -- shit when things got bad. I have an ex-ex that is madly in love with me and if I asked, would move to Des Moines tomorrow and get married next week. I have a make out boy that I have no idea what is going on with, not that I have high expecations. I have work that is chaotic as all hell and I need to be spending way more time there. I have a family that needs me to be around right now.
I have fifty freakin' people coming to my house next weekend for breakfast.
Oh- and my mom died about 3 weeks ago.

To quote -- loosely, a John Hughes movie-- "aside from that I am fucking perfect"
And if you can give me the whole quote and the movie, then you are possibly a bigger geek than me.

So my options are to curl up in the fetal position and ignore the world or deal with this crap one dramatic deal at a time.
I don't have the answers. I am no where NEAR close to the answers. And I read back through that and I think that I must be the most selfish woman on the planet. I have a ton of good in my life right now, friends that have other shit going on in their lives -- and that is important to recognize. And still I am focused on all of MY stuff.
I need a reality check, that is how I am.
How to get that, well that is a whole other story.

Now Listening: Bittersweet: The Very Best of Nina Simone by Nina Simone -- not that my listening choices have anything to do with my mood right now.