Water Cooler Conversations

It's not often that you hear the following while at work...

"So and so got attacked by the goose today"

Allow me to 'splain.

I work out in the burbs -- one of those business park types that try really hard with paths, ponds and landscaping to make you think that you are not really working.

Good try, but doesn't really work.

Anyhew - all these ponds attract a good number of water fowl.

Pretty much year round.

And I have been told that geese will nest in the same place year in and year out when they have their little geese babies -- ducklings? is that right? dunno. moving on.

It seems that one of these devoted geese couples has chosen an area in our parking lot for the aforementioned nesting. Last year they were in the circle around the flag poles, so they just threw up some caution tape and no worries. This year they have chosen a little tree on one of the medians near the visitor parking. Which is also right next to the really choice parking spots in the lot. The guy goose, excuse me GANDER, gets a smidge territorial when you get too close his baby mommma.

He waddles near you, flapping his wings, hissing and honking. If you are ready for it, it's actually kinda comical. If you don't know what is going on, its freaky and odd.

So the scoop on the goose attack is this.

One of the older women who I work with was coming in on Wednesday morning. She is one of those people that get here at like, 6 AM, leave at 3 PM types -- frankly, I think that is insane, but clearly that is another conversation. So, as you would expect at 6 AM it's dark. The parking lot, empty and she gets out of her car, has bags in both her hands and starts walking to the door when all the sudden she feels something on her back, to which she screams, and then feels something biting her head.

Yes, the goose flew up and started pecking her noggin.

Now, at 6 AM in an empty, dark parking lot, I am sure I would have done the same thing -- namely freaked the hell out.

Of course, once people started filling the building, at slightly more sane times of say, 7 AM, the facilities team was notified and they have now put up a couple of orange cones in the kick-ass parking spaces to prevent people from further, erm, attacks.

So there you go. I am of course, at work right now. Another long weekend of deployment goodness. However, planning on avoiding the insane 60 hours in 3 days work load.

Keep your fingers crossed.

Now Listening: David Gray Lost Songs by David Gray

Mother Nature is a Bitch

Who lies.
And cheats.
And is generally rude.

The thunder storm this morning turned into hail, which turned into sleet
Which has now turned into snow.

SNOW!
OVER IT.


Now Listening: FutureSex/LoveSounds by Justin Timberlake -- yes, JT rocking the house. And lovin' it.

Wait, is that...

Spring, I see around the corner?
The only reason I ask is that is has started raining -- and there is actually thunder and lightening.
Normally, not so thrilled with the rain, but it's not snow.
This, I feel, is key.

One other thing -- when I am doing TWENTY miles over the speed limit on the interstate, riding my ass -- not cool.
I mean, if it was 3-5 miles over, then yes -- ride away.
BUT TWENTY?!?!?

So I got over when I could and dude goes shooting past me. Of course, there are never cops around when that guy is doing what he did, but if I do 9 over, its a national security issue.
Whatever.

Now Listening: Strange & Beautiful by Aqualung

Does the Easter Bunny bring rebate checks?

No, is the answer.
Seems silly.
Chocolate eggs. Check.
Marshmallow chickens aka Peeps. Check.
Oddly discolored boiled eggs. Check.
Fake fluorescent green grass. Check.
Rebate on taxes. Negatory.

I probably damned myself by doing taxes on Easter Sunday, but what else was I going to do? Go to church? Get my God on? Right.
Actually I thought about it, and then realized that doing that meant that I would have to shower and look somewhat presentable. My mother taught be better than that... you don't wear jeans to Easter mass.
So I didn't go.
I did my taxes.
And found out that I owe a little over a grand to Uncle Sam and about $300 to the great corn state.
Hotness.
That was after I spent the latter half of Saturday at the tire/car shop on what started out as an innocent oil change and ended up being a $450 dollar day of tire rod goodness.
I bet you didn't know that your tires had rods ( I didn't).
Or that they can become dangerously loose (they can).
And that one cannot merely tighten them (so, why say they are loose?) but REPLACE them.
I was pretty stoked about the whole thing. The only thing that went well on Saturday, aside from a very enjoyable Saturday night with the girls -- was a new phone.
Woo Hoo -- QWERTY keypad and mobile IM beware.
And I thought I wasn't focused enough at work.

I have another bitch.
Wedding registries.
Seems odd. How can you bitch about a wedding registry? Simple. People don't register for enough.
I am not being selfish, capitalistic, materialistic (ok, maybe a little) or odd. It's simple. You have one chance, in theory, to get all this stuff. And get it under a completely socially acceptable mechanism.
You will have showers, several.
And a wedding reception.
You have to register for a LOT, at more than one place to allow people a chance to get you something.
Nothing worse than shopping for a shower and there is a small registry to begin with and half of it is fulfilled before the first stupid shower game.
So ladies -- take the plunge. Go crazy. Get 12 place settings instead of 8.
Buy 3 sets of sheets.
10 piece kitchen canister set -- knock yourself out.
Your friends and acquaintances will thank you.
I should have much, much more to share with you all as it has been a week since I posted. But just not feeling the love much this week. Frankly, I had kinda a downer, woe-is-me week and just didn't feel like much of anything.
And work has been loco.
And I will never get register for a wedding (with a butt load of options mind you) as dating in Des Moines sucks.
Yes, pity party, table for one, you are ready to go.
A girl is entitled every once in awhile. Especially after a almost $2000 weekend and the only thing to show for it is a new phone.

Now Listening: Strangest Places by Abra Moore

No Green Beer

Happy St Pat's.
Taking 1/2 a day. Gonna get some good beer -- yay, Guinness.
So everyone have a great day and be safe!!1
Slainte.


Now Listening: Do or Die by Dropkick Murphys

Sublimely Annoying

You go to get lunch.
You go at the height of the lunch hour, but have no choice as it is the only time you have available to grab something and take it back to your desk.
The parking lot is full. And not like, I have to walk 10 ft full, but FULL.
So you park in the adjoining strip mall's parking lot ( I work in suburbia -- it's all strip malls) and start hoofing it over to the lunch place. Oh, and since the temperature is finally going up, you are wearing heels you haven't worn in 6 months. So your feet feel awesome.
Right as you get near the front door, 2 parking places, right in front open up.
Fate is a real bitch some time.

Now Listening: Automatic for the People by R.E.M.

Welcome Baby!

He's here!!
Baby Olson-Daniel made his arrival at 8:28 PM tonight, weighing in at 7 lbs, 14 oz and 20" long.
Mom & Baby are awesome -- tired but awesome.
No name yet -- stay tuned.

So Much to Say ...

I am not even sure where to start as there is SO much to share with you all. Which is fairly self evident as I haven't posted in eons. So note to self, don't go two weeks between posts and not expect to have to create a small novel. Or novella if you will....

Moving on to the good stuff -- and this is going to be huge, it will be all over the map.

Redhead Travel:

Having flown twice in the last 4 weeks, I have made a few observations.

I feel horribly non-important when I get off a plane and don't have a blackberry to check and many key phone calls to return on my bluetooth while holding up the line of people trying to get off the plane. Really, are you that important that it can't wait the 2 minutes for you to just EXIT THE FREAKIN' PLANE? Clearly, the hour and a half that you were in the air was the most crucial hour and a half in whatever business you are in history....

Get over yourself.

And for the record, if you have some weird, sino-nasal thing going on that causes you to not sniffle, not blow your nose, not wheeze -- but this off-putting, snorting, wailing sort of noise roughly every 2 minutes for an hour and a half flight, DON'T TRAVEL.

My only saving grace on that one was the earphones to the iPod do a great job of not only playing my music, but blocking noise as well.

Babies R' Me:

More babies. Got all kinds of SamKat goodness in my last trip out. She is getting so big and really a trip to watch. Noah is walking all over the place. Or alternatively, just throwing himself at you when he decides he is done walking -- the child has ZERO trust issues. Maggie is getting baptised some time in the next few weeks, Martine is getting induced TODAY and I just found out that my great friends Shaela and Chris are now expecting in October. Seriously -- its a freakin' population boom and I am in the middle of it.

Redheads & Boys:

There are none.

The Ex's have faded into the woodwork.

And I live in Des Moines. So that means that I don't date.

My uber-expensive, non-result dating service subscription should be closing out pretty soon, so the next question is where to start next?!?!?

Stay tuned.

If my life was a reality series:

I would be filmed watching

Rock of Love 2 -- did anyone actual see the USO show? priceless.

Project Runway -- FIERCE TRANNY HOTNESS

Top Chef - starting this week

And American Idol --

A few words on the idol -- and yes Courtney, you have heard this already:

1. How can you have 80's night and not a SINGLE Madonna song? Impossible.

2. Conversely, how can you still allow Whitney Houston songs? No one can sing like her and being a second-rate version of her? Whatever. Try something original.

3. David Archuleta (sp?) the self proclaimed, perky teen-phenom? Yes -- I think he might be part of an alien race that is made of spun cotton candy and wrapped in a cute, David-wrapper. The kid is just off the hook too perfect --

4. Paula is off her rocker, on too many meds and needs to go. Woman is in the upper stratosphere of crazy.

Redhead Family Update:

Everyone is doing well. We got a call from my brother over the weekend, so that is always a good thing. Seems things in Baghdad are pretty much the way they were the week before, and the week before that. Looking at a possible early May return stateside -- good stuff. We did get another room started at the house. Although I did have a rather pathetic realization on Sunday when I woke up and my shoulders were a little sore -- from painting. Yes, I am officially and without question out of shape and gross. The big news of the weekend was actually dropped the week before from my dad. When I set up this story, everyone always gets where it is going -- except I didn't when we talked. Long story short, he is seeing someone. You read that right. It was a really odd conversation. Mostly as I was expecting a conversation like "I think I am ready to start seeing someone" in advance of the actual " I am seeing someone" conversation. So, as we were all going to be home for the Smith clean up Round II -- he invited her over for dinner. Here is what I knew prior to the dinner. She is divorced, has been for a while, used to work with my dad, knew my mom, was at her visitation, and currently works with Courtney who assured me ahead of time that she was very sensitive to the situation. Melissa it seems, had a small freak out when she was told. With all this information running through the noggin, this is where I ended up:

- one of the things that pissed me off the most about my mom being sick was the fact that they had reached a point in their life where they were supposed to be doing stuff -- all the stuff and trips they had talked about. My dad still deserves the right to do those things and have someone to share them with.

-My mom was sick for a long time. She was really sick for about the last year. And I think, and this is just a theory, that even though my dad was completely devoted to her, was constantly working to keep her comfortable and did everything that he could do, he did not have an "equal" in the relationship. That is not a fair statement to either my mom or my dad -- as I am not sure that you can ever have that in a situation like that. But, my gut is telling me he started mourning her long before she ever passed away. In keeping with my " I am a big girl, I can handle this" train of thought, I decided to be as open minded as possible. And she was nice. She really was. According to her, one of her sons (she has two) was in high school the same time I was. Need to dig out the yearbook and give it a once over as the name didn't ring any bells. The only thing that was really uncomfortable was the mini-make out session on the couch a little later in the evening. Which when pressed the next morning by my dad with a "What did you think?", I called him on it. My real issue with it was -- among the insanely high weird/uncomfortable factor -- was if I had brought someone home to meet my family for the first time, I would NEVER do that. Not sure I would do that ever. He sheepishly admitted that he might have been out of line.
Details will be shared as we all travel this new, uneven road of parental dating -- which for a lot of people is NOT a new thing -- but for me, is as weird as anything I can think of.

Went and saw Wilco on Sunday. Great show. Great, great show. Saw a ton of people that I knew. But the award for random run-ins goes to seeing an old roommate from Omaha -- who I lived with almost ten years ago. Yes. Odds of that -- pretty small. So met her husband, got caught up and it was cool. Couple of pics from the show -- again, cell phone, but hey -- not too shabby:

Now Listening: Mermaid Avenue by Wilco (obviously)

Brain full of thoughts

I owe a huge post.
Huge.
Gi-normous
Large.

And it is coming, lots of ranting, observations, snarkiness, and general over-opinionated stances on things.
However, I haven't had time to get it done.
So, pictures have been updated on the Flickr site ( i can do that while doing laundry and cleaning) and a full post is on its way...

Now Listening: On How Life Is by Macy Gray