Blah

So been a weird, mach-80 kinda few weeks. I swear I am not sure where time has gone. Other than past me REALLY fast.
So - working out is still... working out. 2 weeks left to go on the program. Seeing some results, but not quite as aggressive as I would have liked. Bygones. Feel healthier, actually do see some differences and did manage to buy clothes a size smaller last week.
So there is that.

Work is nuts. I had a bad week last week.
People just were being idiots. I wanted to just wear a sign around my neck that said "Let me do my job. I don't tell you how to do yours!" and leave it at that.
Alas, it didn't happen.
The book thing is cool. Working out ok. Not as big of a dent in the bills as I would have hoped. But still getting things back in check.

Decided to take a chance on the online thing ONE more time.
This is what it has gotten me so far:
45 year old men with teenage kids
one 19 year old kid
30 year old twice-divorced fathers of like, 3
and one VERY odd man in Virginia who has a foot fetish and wants to massage my feet all day.

This is my life.
For those of you who read this, and I know you are few -- if you are in a relationship go home and hug your other.
And thank the lord you do not have to deal with the likes of online foot fetishes -- unless you are into that sort of thing, not trying to be TOO judgmental. Its just, well, my feet are NASTY.
Not what I consider an attractive part of the body -- at least not in the fall. Summer, maybe as I keep up with pedicures, etc.
But really, are these people illiterate???
The following things are QUITE clear on my profile:
I have an age range, if you are over 40 -- odds are I don't want to date you.
If you are more than 75 miles away, I probably don't want to date you.
If you have kids, I REALLY don't want to date you -- I have nothing against children -- in fact at some point I want some of my own, but not looking to put the mommy hat on right now.
I have a visible tattoo and indicate that my humor is a little sarcastic -- if these things turn you off -- You do not want to date me.

I am missing something -- really missing something. All I have gotten is a bunch of 43 year old divorcees -- WITH KIDS -- who want to meet me.
Des Moines dating = cesspool.

So this has not really helped in the "No, I am really ok" department.

I know, I know, being a smidge on the dramatic side. But come on -- of the, like 400 people who have viewed my profile, NO ONE is normal?

At this point, this has ceased to be a means to meet people and become sheer entertainment. Of course, entertainment at the cost of some of my pride, but hey -- worth a few laughs along the way.

On the family front, Mom is starting some new treatment options. Things were not responding the way that everyone had hoped for with the shots - so those are done. She apparently had a rough weekend last week. I worry about her. Afraid she is keeping to much inside to put on a good face for everyone. Can't be healthy. I mean, I am not talking pity party here, but she should be entitled to get upset every now and then.

Courtney has done the unimaginable -- she got her own apartment, a full time, SALARIED job and is moving out.

Kudos to her.

Melissa is considering moving to California to live with a friend and see what she can make of the world out there. I say go -- NOW, go. Get in your car, don't look back.

I think that is about it. keep in mind, this post took two days to write.

Yeah. That busy.

On a parting note: Check out the following artists I am currently enjoying:

The Perishers

Amos Lee

Feist

Out

M.

Someone moved my rock

Yes - it is true. I have stumbled out from the rock that I have been hiding under.
Not sure what motivated this -- other than a burning desire to avoid work. Not for lack of work, please understand that - but sheer avoidance.

So, ask the screaming masses, what's new meghan?
"Well kids," she says in her best children's show host voice, "Let me tell you"

Whole lotta nothing.
Now, that may not be entirely true. Actually had a busy summer. Weird to be typing like summer is over -- when in reality, it pretty much is.
Apartment is good. Settled in without too many issues.
Did have major ephiany about 2 months back --
Was looking at two houses on my street, wanted to know what they were asking for them, looked, accidently did one of those "mortgage calculators" and the next thing I know,
BAM
It hit me. Like the proverbial ton of bricks.
There is no reason on this green earth why I should still be paying rent. I should own. It is silly to be holding on to something that is STUPID.
So -- not having made the wisest of credit choices in the past, got a second job at Barnes & Noble -- 2-3 shifts per week, and I am now attempting to pay stuff off as quickly as I can. Of course, "quickly" is a relative term. That and my lease doesn't run out til', oh -- April 06.
And getting out of it would cost more than it is worth. So using this time to pay stuff off. Finally starting to see a smidge of progress. We will see. Even went so far as to look around (virtually that is) at some houses and see what the mighty dollar can get you these days...
Scary.

As part of the aforementioned "Get Control of Meghan's Life" plan, I also started a new workout/nutrition regime. SIX (as in one more than five) days of the week, the alarm goes off at roughly 5:15 AM and I go work out. 3 days of cardio, disguised as kickboxing and 3 days of resitance training. The diet went with it. Drinking pretty much went out the window. Not to mention on the first day of this new plan, they had us run a timed mile, see how many push-ups and sit-ups you could do in a minute... that sort of thing. The key is to have something to compare with at the end of the program --- which is 10 weeks.
Insane.
Totally, insane.
You too can get crazy at Farrells.

So between those two things, my social/free time went south in a real hurry. REALLY SOUTH. But, it has been helping with the $$ thing. Grocery shopping and not as much booze does save a few pennies.

So - I am spending the fall getting skinny and hot -- just in time for, Thanksgiving? Well, the timing might be sucky, but at least I am doing something.

Country is still a wreck. Our president continues to be an idiot -- natural disaster or instigated war -- NO CLUE.

Switching gears again -
Boy scene remains bleak as ever.
The fact that I am ok with this was re-enforced about a month ago when Heather and Sebastian broke up. She is now down in Florida trying to figure out what she is going to do with her life.
Men, boys, testosterone -- whatever you call them, morons.

I should have many, many more things to tell you, but I am dragging at this point. Really would love to just go home, but I have to work tonight -- oh joy.

Out.

Moving Day Plus 2

So
Moved.
Saturday.

There is a reason that I don't move very often and why moving companies get paid a lot of money to do the work for you.
It is bizarre. I did not get as worked up as I thought that I would have. I was just on a mission to get things done. Which we are about 98% there. I still have one closet that needs cleaning out at the old place and some cleaning supplies there. Have to clean the bathrooms tonight.
Woot.

I have never been as exhausted as I was about 9Pm on Saturday -- at least not in recent memory.

New place. Well, all of my crap is in there. Now, finding room for it -- that is the next part. I like to think of it as a whole new decorating challenge. Which it is. Not entirely sold on the way I arranged my room -- but there is time for that.

I owe a huge thanks to Kim, Stimmel, Adam and Steve for helping out. They were kind enough to give up a nice Saturday morning to help me move. Could not have done it without them. Although for the record, it was really quite entertaining to watch network engineers play Tetris with my furniture and the U-haul.
Also, I got to drive the U-haul. 26 FT. Manual transmission. I looked like some uber-scary trucker chic. Although when you are in something that big, you really don't have to worry about the other cars -- you win.

I will leave you with this high level summary:

• Meghan's legs look like she has been out on the playground a la 4th grade (bumps, bruises and scrapes)
  
• Meghan's arms look like she was a victim of domestic abuse -- from all the stupid boxes.
  
• Meghan's cats are just starting to like her again -- Jury is still out on Bailey. I think he filed a complaint with the Feline Union
  
• Meghan's new place is a amazing myriad of collapsed boxes, stacks of things that have no where to go and Rubbermaid bins full of -- something.
  
• Meghan's old place looks even bigger than before now that it is devoid of anything.
  
• Meghan's diet of the past two days has consisted of: Krispy Kremes, coffee (lots), diet coke (lots), Big Tomato & Brueggers.
  
• Meghan's valiant attempts to "purge" her house of all unnecessary crap PRIOR to the move where not NEARLY as aggressive as they should have been. Hence, ANOTHER 3 bags of crap will be off to Goodwill this week.

What else??
Nothing really. All my energy for the last 2 weeks has been getting ready for this. So, nothing doing on the ground.

Going to try and get out of work early today. Really should have taken the day off, but don't have that much vacation time to burn at the moment.

April Showers bring...

Ok-
so i have not been the best at keeping this up.
March has been the month of purging.
And not in a weight-loss, bulimia sort of way --
I have rid my home of every piece of junk, garbage and clothing that hasn't been used,worn or touched in like 3 years.
One thing good about this move is the cleansing aspect of things.
I am getting rid of a ton of crap.
To date:
3 trips to goodwill (3-4 heavy garbage bags of stuff each time)
Copious amounts of garbage -- so much that i have started rationing it out in the garbage otherwise we would not have any room.

Moving this weekend.
Crazy.
I will miss the house. A lot.
But, by the same token i am SOOO ready to just get this thing done and taken care of.
Will be so nice to have a cheaper rent and get some stuff paid off.
But the next few days are going to suck -- that much is for sure.
What else, been doing some thinking about -- everything really.
The more physiological purging if you will...
Trying to figure out why I am still not happy here. Why I feel compelled to be somewhere else...
I still don't know.
Grass is always greener -- all that. But, there has to be something else.

So Long February

So--
February sucked. No need to sugar coat it.
The house thing, the boy thing -- the money thing.
Long story -- but we are on the upswing ( i hope)

So still looking for a place to live. Had some potentials -- nothing too great. But I am looking at another place on Saturday. If it is remotely nice, I am submitting my application. So, cross your virtual fingers.

What else, I feel like there should be loads more to report on.
Threw my hat back in the proverbial ring -- the eHarmony ring that is.
So far -- I have a German guy who lives in Spain and some guy in Texas who thinks I look like Molly Ringwald from "pretty in pink" -- like somehow, I am going to help him re-live some freaky 9th grade fantasy or something.
Whatever.

I should have a better attitude about the whole thing. Trying. I really am. Baby stepping all the way there...
Saw Napoleon Dynamite last week.
Sweet.
Already on its way to cult status -- I can see why.

I have had a cold for like, 3 days -- so my ability to concentrate here at work is pretty much shot to hell.
so -- i am going to call it a day and get out of here.

I think I just saw the bottom of a barrel, or is that a rock I just hit?

This Just In:
Meghan's Life is hitting all time lows
Details at 10.

Ok - so maybe a little on the dramatic side, but I tell you what, if this is cosmic payback for going on vacation then I take it back. The random shit that is going on in my life -- in no particular order:
boy has decided to just "be friends"
being kicked out of house
mom's cancer has spread.

WHEE!!!

**Please note the following descriptions will be full of pity, caustic remarks, self-loathing and general discontent with the world at large**


Ok - shall we start at the top, or just randomly attack the topics at large. hmm. choices.
Random:

Mom's cancer. So the little gremlins have spread. To her back. Specifically to her spine. Just doesn't get any better. So they have decided to keep trying the treatment she is on. Seems odd -- clearly it is not preventing the spread of the cancer, but we are going to stick with it anyway. I dunno. Not a doctor -- and I didn't even stay at a Holiday Inn last night -- but it would seem to me tht if it is spreading, maybe a new approach might be in order? I just get the feeling that I am not getting the whole story from my parents. Like I need to call the doctor directly and see what is up. But of course, they are not going to discuss that stuff with me. So I am left to the filtered information as provided by the family.

Being kicked out of my house. Well, maybe not really kicked out. Landlord told me last weekend that he wants to do some renovations this spring. Cool, methinks. Nope -- with renovations will be raising the rent by 20% and after renovations does not want pets in the house.
So -- as I am currently stretching it with rent as it is, no roommates in sight and not really wanting to get rid of the munchkins, I am left with one choice: find new home. Which sucks. I have been in this place for almost 4 years. Love it. My home. HOME. not some crappy place I rent. So I have begun the odious task of looking for new places. I need to get a move on -- he is giving me until the end of April, but still. I am going to be picky, so gotta start looking around.
Trying to take the high road here, change is good, can find a cheaper place, blah, blah -- but still bites ass.

And the winner of the day: "Let's just be friends"
So I come back from vacation, send off an email saying hey -- how have you been? And that is what I got back in return. I mean, it was much nicer than that. But still the bottom line was friends. Do I really need ANOTHER male friend in my life, much less one that is 5.5 hours away?? Clearly the answer is not. Sucks totally. So, I did the self pity party "What is wrong with me that a normal man cannot be attracted to me?" and had to kill that quickly. Then you do the "well he doesn't know what he is going to be missing" BS. Just sucks Back to square one all over again.
I am tired of square one. Ugh. UGH
UUUUU
GGGGG
HHHHH

So there you have it. The latest and less than greatest from my corner of the world.

And to add insult to injury, it is cold, snowy and icy here.

I need a remote island to go live on for a bit.

Go West Young Woman

So I just got back from a week in Northern California.
Why do I live in Iowa?

Allow me to explain a little about the trip, what we did and where we chose to spend out time....

Wednesday, Jan 26, 2005: Nate, Martine & I board a plane heading west. First stop, Denver. Brief layover, fly onto San Jose, CA.
Get the rental car -- the car that would become affectionately known as the "CoRo" -- as in Toyota Corolla. And head north to Napa.
Get to Napa -- check into the B&B.
AMAZING!!!
Seriously, check this place out:
The Daughter's Inn
I stayed in the Lord & Ladies room. I was alone -- long story, will get to that later.
But this room is off the hook.
So we grab some dinner, decide to make it an early night so we can get a fresh start in the morning.

Thursday, Jan 27, 2005: After spending a glorious evening in my personal Jacuzzi hot tub, fireplace in the room and a HUGE down filled king size bed, woke up to a great breakfast and a map of the Napa valley.
Perry (the innkeeper) was armed with a few suggestions and highlighters -- which it turns out, was a lethal combination. So after a hearty breakfast, a few cups of coffee and armed with our freshly highlighted map -- we were off.
For the record, it was overcast, but warm and that part of the country is so scenic... really. So we were off to the vineyard races as it were.
And here they are, in order:
Peju -- pretty grounds, wine um-impressive.
Rombauer -- nice zinfandel if you like a big, jamy zin.
V. Sattui -- nice table red. Madeira was pretty tasty. Got some freebies to other vineyards for tasting
Del Dotto -- AMAZING. Worth every freakin' penny. Soooo educational. Loved it. Can't say enough. oh yeah -- not cheap wine.

We had planned on a big dinner for Martines' birthday, but alas Del Dotto -- which summarily became "El Blotto" -- kicked her butt. So she yakked, we chilled out and got some food from the local taqueria. Yum.

Friday, Jan 28, 2005: Same routine at breakfast. Perry wished us well -- great place, can't say enough good things about it. And we jumped right back into our wine tasting habits... this time with a sunny day on our side.
Mum Cuvee -- Sparkling wine. Don't know enough about sparkling wine. but nate's reserve tasting was MUCH better than mine. Also VERY cool photo exhibit of Ansel Adams work and a local photographer -- Art Woods, i believe his name was. Great, great stuff to see.
Niebaum-Coppola -- Great grounds, wine sucks -- didn't even try it. But have a "Movie Museum" all of Coppola's stuff -- Oscars, movie props, etc. Pretty neat to see.
Costentino -- Great little winery. Good Zin & table red. One of the better cab's we tried.
Folie A Deux -- Another great little winery. Good jammy zin and some nice table reds. Very laid back group -- lots of fun.

Then we drove to San Francisco. But we took the long way -- through Sonoma and came in on the north side of SF to cross the Golden Gate.
Dinner in North Beach and an early night.

Saturday, Jan 29, 2005: ZAP -- not sure i need to say more. Breakfast at the little Irish place with the great soda bread and by 11 AM we were tasting Zin. LOTS AND LOTS OF ZIN.
Good crowd, Dave, Erin, Ingrid, Nate, Martine, myself, Bonnie & Rob. Good, good times.
Dinner, more wine, more drinking at the bar. stumbled home late and pretty intoxicated.

Sunday, Jan 30, 2005: Greasy recovery breakfast in the Castro -- beautiful men there. And they will NEVER find me attractive :). Quick stop at Dave & Erin's house up on Telegraph Hill and we were on our way to Santa Cruz. Where we proceeded to stop by two more vineyards on the way ...
Grabbed some sushi on Sunday night, walked around a bit and headed back to the hotel. Right on the beach. I mean, you could hear the sea lions barking the whole time. pretty impressive view.

Monday, Jan 31, 2005: Two words: BIG BASIN. Holy crap. State park with all the redwoods you could ever imagine. Redwoods, for the record, are unbelievable. We walked and walked and walked and walked and did I mention, walked???
Somewhere in the neighborhood of 12 miles (5 hours) which at some points were practically straight up the canyon wall. Calves and ass HURT at the end of the day.
Did some shopping that night and went to a local bar.

Tuesday -- flight home.

Wednesday -- back to reality. Too many emails to talk about. Gray, brown, snowy and cold when I woke up on Wednesday morning. WHY? why do i live in Iowa??

Ugh -- so good trip. Very wine filled. All in all goodness.
I will get into the whole solo aspect of the trip later -- too much typing for one day.

So there it is. Meghan's vacation for the year. Pretty happy with it.
Now -- just need to pay the credit card bills :)

Local Inspiration

So I am reading the local alt-paper this weekend, and stumble across a fantastic editorial that really hit home.
Point Blank Editorial

Some of the stuff that is called out in this thing makes me laugh -- but with a bitter, caustic laugh. I mean really, he is right. I rather enjoyed the whole thing. But while reading it, felt there was a key topic missing from the list. So I have added one more that drives me freakin' batty.

Wearing Your Cause On Your Car. We have all seen them. The new metallic “ribbons” that have become as commonplace as the “My Kid is an Honor Roll Student at …” bumper stickers. Telling us at every stop sign and intersection that the driver “Supports Our Troops” or “United We Stand”. Of course all of these are decorated with the appropriate colors of the American Flag and the intertwined yellow ribbon.
I have to wonder, does the cause ribbon really mean anything any more? Everyone has one. Lest we forget the origins of the Red Ribbon – to support AIDS awareness. How many people are aware that AIDS is still pandemic in the world? Or how the yellow ribbon came to symbolize support for our troops? The song these ribbons were based on was about a convict returning from jail.
But I suppose in this day and age of conservative patriotism, I am viewed with a certain disdain for my lack of metallic decoration on my car.
Then again, even the scourge of the metallic ribbon has reached an all time low. I have now seen several in black and gold with “Iowa” on them. Funny, having just watched Iowa win their bowl game and finish in grand style, I was unaware that the university had fallen to the same depths of those battling fatal illnesses or young men and women fighting a war no one seems to really understand, except for a few people at 1600 Pennsylvania.

Gosh. I feel better.
My alternate theory is that in order to be a good red-stater you are obligated to have one on your car. It is just a matter of time before I am either ticketed for not having one or kicked out of the state. Hm. Is Canada still accepting American ex-pats??

Mission Accomplished???

So I have seen two stories in the news over the last two days that have caused me a great deal of consternation.
actually, they pissed me off.

1) http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/articles/A6434-2005Jan13.html

This is the one that gets me. After all the posturing, PR work and tons of media clips about how WMD's were a "immediate threat" and the fear-mongering of our government to convince us that we were mere minutes away from biological disaster, the search for anything ended quietly and with a resounding thud -- there was nothing there to start with.
Where was the landing on the aircraft carrier to announce this one?

2) http://www.cnn.com/2005/ALLPOLITICS/01/14/bush.regrets.ap/index.html
I think this might be my favorite, "sometimes words have consequences" um, hello? of COURSE they have consequences, and they are even higher when you are the president of the united states of america. i mean come on. what really gets me -- is 3 months after the election and all the posturing that this man did for months on end about how he had no regrets about his actions (or his words for that matter) he comes out and finally says --
**slow, texas drawl**
yep, i mighta made a mistake or two.

Gosh you think? But he held the line long enough to get elected before admitting to any wrongdoing or lack of judgment.


And the machine is in full spin again. Already before the "election" in Iraq, we are now being told that the numbers won't mean much -- and we should not put that much emphasis on them. After being told for months at a time that democracy is the saving grace of the people in Iraq -- (don't forget: 10 MILLION people voted in Afghanistan -- including women, see democracy works -- now pass the hookah). And now the administration is faced with a total 180 degree flip.
No it is not the election results, it is what we will do AFTER the election. Really? We? after the election? so more of our men and women can face daily danger in a war that the administration has finally had to admit had no BASIS IN FACT???

Unreal.
I have started reading the news every day with just this total numbness -- a complete resignation that the next four years are going to be a continuing downward spiral into more deception, aggressive posturing & lunacy.

Dumbfounding really. How this man managed to get elected just boggles the brain.
At least mine.
And I now live in a RED state.
Go figure.

Humblest Apologies

**Timidly Peeks Head from Around Corner**

Hello??
Anyone there??
Yeah - that is what I thought.

I wish that I could give you all a good reason for being gone this long. And frankly, nothing as dramatic as:
"taking a sabbatical to work on a kibbutz in Israel"
"donating time to assist in the massive natural disasters"
"temporarily moved to canada after the election to get over it."
Although in all fairness, each of those would have been good.
Nope, I have been wandering in the real world through the muck and mire of work, family crisis, travel & the holidays.
Surprised myself by making it thus far unscathed...at least noticeably unscathed.

So here is a high level break down (by month for your convenience) of things that have been going on:

October:
Meghan continues to talk to David (aka St. Louis) quite a bit. Gets to know each other quite well.
Mom decides on treatment for cancer that includes experimental program that will avoid -- at least for right now -- any chemo, radiation etc.
Tons O' Birthdays this month. Lots of little get togethers to attend to wish everyone well.

November:
Meghan gets the job of telling grandma about mom's cancer. dreads visit, and she takes it like a champ. People totally underestimate you (myself included) when you are 88 years old.
Spend a few days in total shock that a un-popular president, still fighting a war that fewer and fewer people are supporting manages to win an election because people were more afraid of two men being able to legally marry than any concern for the state of their country, the safety of its people and the perception of the US worldwide.
Nate and Martine get married on St. Lucia -- I did not go to the wedding. Tropical paradise is NOT kind to single people.
Patrick gets a surprise 10 day R&R pass to come home. Spend a few days back home hanging out with him and getting the scoop about life in Iraq. Turns out -- as most of you would guess, -- you really don't WANT to know about the day to day life in Iraq. Or hear your little brother discuss the number of confirmed kills he has had. Or hear about the day he got his Purple Heart. Just gets a little , really A LOT, disturbing.
Have the first actual date with the boy from Saint Louis. Goes very well -- he came to DSM for the record.
Thanksgiving with the family. Ate too much, drank too much and saw just enough of the aforementioned family to get me through the next 6 months or so.

December:
Go to Saint Louis for a visit.
Franklin comes back to DSM for a visit. Tells us all he is engaged -- Beth is with him. Good times.
Holiday parties ensue.
Christmas shopping -- need I say more.
Julie & Scott bought a condo in DC.
Heather moved to Chicago officially.
David comes up here for a brief visit just before Christmas.
Spend Christmas with 20 of my family members on my mom's side. Ate too much, drank too much and saw enough of them to get me through the next 12 months. Or so it would seem.
Go to Saint Louis for New Years.

And that should bring us somewhat up to speed.
Work is totally insane. I am going to California in two weeks for a little wine vacation. I was totally excited about it, as David was going to be coming with. But due to work schedules being unbendable, he will not be going with. So, I will be -- per the usual -- the like 13th wheel for this whole she-bang. I mean, it will still be a blast. But we had rooms at a B&B in Napa -- that i am going to feel slightly foolish in with just myself. Not to mention that my budget has now just doubled. Woot.
Which I love. For the record.
I am sure there are other things. But that should give you the highlights.
I should return to work. MUCH to do. Although, motivation is a little lacking. I have been doing some work at home every night and get more done in an hour there -- than like 4 hours here.
Narf.