Bad President

When I was Christmas shopping earlier this year I bought a few calendars as little gifts. And they had one of those, BUY 3 GET THE 4th FREE!!! deals plastered all over the store.
My first thought was who buys 3 calendars at a time.
Then I realized, in fact, I was holding three calendars.
Thus my purchase for myself -- which is generally counter to my Christmas shopping method, but hey -- that's ancient history at this point.
I got myself one of those desk calendars that you change every day. Mine was called "Bad President" and has a countdown of W's tenure in office along with insane, make you shake your head quotes - and a picture or two with some imagined, snarky caption. I would like to share with you some of my favorites. Most of these are only funny if you think about the title that they gave them. They are all funny in a, I-can't-believe-this-is-the-leader-of-the-free-world-and-he-is-totally-clueless sort of way...
I present Bad President:

However, I have No Idea Why It Didn't Work With Me
"You teach a child to read, and he or her will be able to pass a literacy test"
-George W. Bush, Feb. 21, 2001

Apparently World History is Another "Theory" That We Can Ignore
"My trip to Asia begins here in Japan for an important reason. It begins here because, for a century and a half now, America and Japan have formed one of the great and enduring alliances of modern times. From that alliance has come an era of peace in the Pacific"
-George W. Bush, Tokyo, Japan, Feb. 18, 2002

While I Terrorize All Of You With My Syntax
"The war on terror involves Saddam Hussein because of the nature of Saddam Hussein, the history of Saddam Hussein, and his willingness to terrorize himself."
-George W. Bush, Jan. 29, 2003

To the Critics of NAFTA Who said We'd Lose Jobs I Say, "Go to Nebraska"
"You work three jobs? Uniquely American isn't it? I mean, that is fantastic that you're doing that."
-George W. Bush, to a divorced mother of three in Omaha, Feb. 4, 2005

And I think this one **might** be my favorite....
We Like You Better After President
"I like my buddies from west Texas. I liked them when I was young, I liked them when I was middle-age, I liked them before I was president, and I like them during president, and I like them after president."

Now, I know you are all reading these torn between two emotions:

• Utter and complete hysterics because these were in fact, public statements of a complete idiot.
• Total terror and fear that generations of future Americans will look back on just a little slice of this stuff and give a collective, WTF?

That's how I feel anyway.

Now Listening: Tourist by St. Germain