so i had a grown up moment this week.
chalk it up to being a little bit older. or a wild hair up my ass.
take your pick.

basically, i went out on a limb and let this guy know that i liked him, thought we should hang out a little more and whatever happened, happened.
and i was then informed that he did not feel like he had the time to give right now and was not looking to date anyone.

in all fairness, he did have the decency to tell me that to my face, rather than via email, chat or some other less personal, but far more comfortable medium.

glad i did it. i am known for saying what is on my mind. and 99.9 % of the time i do. except when it comes to the relationship thing.
might have something to do with the fact that i have not been in a relationship in like 3 years, but that is another entry.
so i decided, screw it. let's throw this out there and see what happens.
now, i am not faced with the "what if" game or my bad habit of over-analyzing something to death.
cathartic really.
of course now, i have sworn off men.

don't get me wrong. i was not looking for a relationship. right now i am happy living my life the way i am. well, most days anyway. i don't feel like i need to have someone in my life to make it more fulfilling. but if the right person came along, i am not going to run screaming in the opposite direction of something like that.

i am going to rant a little about the overall interaction i seem to have with boys, guys, men whatever you call them.

i always get the feeling that i am merely a stop somewhere along the path to the "bbd" the bigger, better deal.
not that i don't consider myself worthy, but anyhew.

so the guys that i have an interest in, i get no where with and the ones that have an interest in me, just don't do it for me.
i am sure this is nothing new. in fact, i know that it is not a new phenomena.

i know that the grass is always greener, but i am convinced that des moines iowa is not the place for me. of course, i moved here on my own accord, and it has been good professionally.
personally, i have some great friends, but that is where it ends. not that i need more.

i am starting to wonder who i am trying to convince. myself or the millions who will never read this.

maybe this is some sort of cosmic wake up call to work on me for a little while. although i am not sure what that means and if i am ready to go delving into.
so, it is friday and i am going to leave work early and clean my house.
aah, avoidance. one of my favorite tactics.