I feel pretty

See now that I am back on the horse, I am full of goodness to post about.

Here is the scoop today.
This week I had a wellness assessment at work. In a nutshell, this is a program that the company I work for has started to basically incent us to be more well -- therefore saving the company all sorts of $$ down the road in insurance costs.
Please don't fool yourself into thinking this is really about the wellness of us -- the employees. No, its really about the wellness of the company's bottom line.
Yes - I am just that bitter.
The scoop is, you register to be part of the program, go through this whole wellness assessment and then they start throwing you $20 a paycheck to assist in "wellness". I figure $40 a month is pretty darn close to a gym membership for one, so there is that.
I sign up for the first appointment I could get into, followed all the rules prior to my assessment like:
No alcohol for 48 hours before
Fasting for 12 hours prior to the assessment.
Filling out the online health & wellness forms -- that could be a whole other entry
No extensive physical activity for 24 hours prior to the assessment - that one was REALLY hard.

I show up at 7:45 AM for my meeting. Keeping in mind that I have been fasting, so no coffee, which always makes for a happy, sunny Meghan.
Where I am greeted by freakin' Elizabeth the walking, talking Barbie. I mean it. Tall, blond, skinny (like, 4 layers of shirts on and she still was tiny) and just so damn chipper I could barely stand it.
Get weighed, poked for cholesterol. measured, blood pressured -- the whole thing.
Wait about 10 minutes for them to drop all this into ye olde' computer and then I get a full wellness assessment.
Full of nuggets like:
Don't drink and drive.
Wear your seat belt
Oh, and you need to eat better (no kidding), exercise more (shocker) and lose 20 lbs just to be on the high end of your recommended weight (like my closet hadn't already clued me into that).
Keep in mind Barbie is delivering all this key information.
Loved it.
Every minute of it.
Who needs to blame the media on women's body images issues when you have Barbie telling you that you are obese?
good times.

Then adding insult to injury we have the following X factors further boosting my morale:
1. I am totally PMS'y and bloated, so I feel about as skinny as a beached whale.
2. I have a cold sore. Nothing like face fungus to really make that glace in the mirror fulfilling.
3. My sunburn from last week is peeling on my forehead, so I look like I have dandruff.

Pretty.
PRETTY
FREAKIN' PRETTY!!!!

Yep.
Now Listening: Night Ripper by Girl Talk