The Rules

I know everyone wants to work someplace “cool”. My experience has led me to believe that there is a disproportionate amount of not-cool places to work, which means that most of us will end up in a job at a place that may have shades of cool, but probably isn’t you know, Google or Pixar.


I work at one of those places – the disproportionately not cool ones. Not for trying, I made it through 4 rounds of phone interviews at Google at one point way back when. Ah, to think…..

Must. Stop. Digressing.

But, I enjoy my work (most days) and the people I work with. In a company of a little over 500 people, there are enough people that I still don’t know to keep things fresh. But regardless of the company, the people, the place, the work… there are a few rules that I have in the office that I feel shouldn’t be broken. I consider them understood, unspoken rules. It would seem that maybe, I am alone in my belief of the rules, so I offer them to you to judge.

1. In a bathroom full of 8 stalls, there is no reason to take the stall right next to someone if there are others available.

2. You should never, and I mean NEVER, conduct a phone call while in a stall.

3. Ongoing group conversations are awkward with bathroom doors dividing you – wait till you all get done to continue discussing your recipe for Jello-fluff or whatever casserole you LOVED at the last Pampered Chef party you went to.

4. I am fully aware of the nature of the events that take place in a bathroom, I don’t need a dialogue providing MORE detail about what you are doing.

Now, allow me to explain why I feel its necessary to share the rules. We have a Wellness Committee at work. As a health care company, wellness should be part of what we do. One of the ways said committee has decided to communicate to us masses is through a program called, and I am NOT joking, Toilet Talk. Trust me, I couldn’t make that one up. And I am really good at stretching the truth a little bit. So this Toilet Talk program consists of monthly updates placed on the insides of the toilet stalls. The theory, I’m guessing, goes something like this: everyone will use the toilet at some point, and guessing they won’t have much else to do, so make them read about being healthy!! Pretty much a guaranteed audience. So the current installation of TT is concerning dehydration. Specifically, it talks about the color of your pee to gauge your hydration levels. Important information, I will grant you. However, the TMI levels on this one… pretty high. This coming from a woman who has no problem discuss her sex life, weight and anything else that you can read about in ELLE or Glamour

But I was going into the bathroom the other day with a gaggle of women from another department. So, automatically rule #1 was out the window. And they were fully engaged in some conversation that kept going once they all chose their respective stalls – total violation of #3. After a minute or two, the worst thing.. a combination of #3 & #4. One woman says to the group “ok, check your color”. Commence cackling and a chorus of people describing theirs.

Unnecessary. Totally. At so many levels.

All that needed to happen at that point was for one of them to call another on their cell and discuss it that way. I mean really, is nothing sacred any more?? And sure, you can argue that my even blogging about it is just as gross, but really --- I am not your kid, your spouse, your doctor. Therefore I have NO interest at all in what just happened. Save it for your annual physical.

So I implore of you, no matter where you work – even in Ally McBeal’s (and totally just dated myself) co-ed bathroom, the rules matter.

Ok, I feel much better having gotten that off my chest. Off to try and figure out why, when you have pictures scheduled for your family you get a call that your daughter now has a goose-egg on her forehead. Oh, and your son is still healing from the Wolverine-like scratches he got on his face earlier in the week. Daycare or Cellblock E, you make the call.



Now Listening: My Passion Pit Pandora station