Finally - My 15 Minutes

Ok -
So I know it has been awhile. But here I am ready to blow my own horn.
Yes - I have made it into The Juice. This is a goal I have aspired to for many months now.

**for those of you who cannot detect the sarcasm in the above statement, please leave the blog now. Go. I said GO!!**

Click here to see the full deal.

I offer you these observations:
1. Terrible picture. Somone should say something to me when I look that horrible. When did I get squinty eyed?
2. Can anyone offer ANY reason under the sun why it was necessary to publish my age?? Does it matter? WHY?? I mean -- leave em' guessing.

Anyway. There it is.

Your Friday Fairy Tale

Once upon a time, there was a lovely young woman -- ok, maybe pushing it a little on the young, but this is a fairy tale and I am writing it.

Anyway, our lovely -- and hot -- young red head had recently started participating in cultural ritual known in some circles as "dating". The object of her affection was a young man -- and yes, YOUNG man, not using creative license on that one - named Joe. He was cute and a chef. Not a skinny chef. My mother always said never trust a skinny chef.
I digress.

As the "dating" continued, our heroine decided that it was time to share her happy news with her family. Now, this was an easy feat for her because her family did not live in the same kingdom as our heroine. And when she told them she was greeted with smiles and happiness -- and a ton of questions and stupid, lacking perspective statements like "when you are ready to go shopping for that white dress you just let us know". But that is for another fairy tale.

As for our hero, he took a more conservative approach. Conservative in this fairy tale means telling everyone in his family except for his mother, father and oldest sister.

Days passed and the happy couple discussed all sorts of things that were important to the kingdom. One day, the young hero said to the fair lady, "I would like you to meet the rest of my family" And she agreed, and so a proclamation went forth throughout the kingdom. Meghan would be dining with Joe and his family in celebration of his youngest brothers birthday. Joe then told his family about our heroine -- regaling them with tales of her beauty, wit, intelligence and overall wonderfulness (remember, this is MY fairy tale, I get to exaggerate where I want to).

A few days before this meeting of the large clan of Joe, Meghan partook in her usual woodland routine on a Thursday. She slaved away all day in the salt mines of the cruel boss Sanjay, met with her friends Martine and Nate for the watching of the magic box called TV -- and then proceeded to Joe's place of toil to wait for him to finish his hard work of the day.

As she approached the large castle like fortress that was called Cafe Di Scala, she noticed a group of travelers entering the restaurant.

"Hmm" she thought to herself, "this will mean that Joe will have to toil even longer before he will be done for the evening."

And she was saddened by that thought. But she persevered.

She entered the cafe, and from the door caught a glimpse of Joe sitting and talking to the group of weary travelers that had entered just before her. She wondered if they had Joe under a spell of some sort, as he seemed happy to see people there at 9:40 at night. As our heroine looked closer at the scene before her, she began to recognize some of the faces of the weary travelers -- one was Joe's brother -- one of the many of the clan -- and as she kept looking, our fair maiden had a blinding realization.... this was the family she was to meet at the grand dinner the following week.

She turned to the other people who toil at the fortress/restaurant and they said to her

-"Wow, I didn't realize you were that tight with Joe's family already". To which Meghan replied "I'm not"...

-"What??, you didn't come in with them?"

-"No, I didn't"

-"You have never met them?" asked another of the weary women who just wanted to go home.

-"No, I haven't"

At this point, in our story, you have all realized what is about to happen.

So, the maiden approaches her fair knight, and says "Hello"
To which he says -- "Perfect timing, Meghan this is my mom Mary, my Dad Rick and my brother from California, Pat"

Handshakes and hugs were abound, with comments of "Nice to meet you"

All the while, she is thinking "How freakin' appropriate is it that I meet his family in a bar?" So, the molten nectar of the gods known as red wine was poured, our hero went back to the slaving hot kitchen to prepare sustenance for his family and the game of 20 questions commenced.

As the evening came to a close, good-byes were said as the great McConville clan decided to return to their own castle. But, the youngest (not the youngest of the clan, he is still in high school and was at home studying for his algebra final) Pat, said, "you should come out and join us for a adult beverage."

And Meghan being a kind and benevolent girlfriend realized how important it was to hang out with your brothers -- said sure, but only for one.
So she and Joe took the electric blue carriage to another place to meet up with the brothers Pat & Casey.
As they get there, the magic cell phone rang and Pat says to his older brother, make sure you get an extra seat -- Katie is going to stop by.

Katie is the oldest of the great clan.

Katie is married with two children.

Katie NEVER goes out on school nights, much less at 11 PM at night.

Joe looks at Meghan and says "You know what just happened? Pat called Katie as she was getting off of work and said... we are going to meet Joe and his GIRLFRIEND is with him"

So she came as well.

And they talked. And they played 20 questions again. - with all the same questions. And finally after her one beer as promised, it was time to go home.

And so the magic blue bug took them home.

So our hero and heroine finally went to sleep and she knew that she had done well and that the great birthday dinner next week would be much easier now.
And thus, the evening in the Kingdom of Midtown came to a close.

The moral of this story: I should know by now that if you meet a boy in a bar, he works as a chef it is only logical that your first meeting of his ENTIRE freakin' family is at a bar as well. At least there was red wine to help ease the conversation along. :)

Back from the Dead

**YAWN***
Slowly emerges from 6 week long slumber.
Rubs sleep from eyes, looks around.

Ok, I wasn't REALLY sleeping for 6 weeks. In fact, quite the contrary. I have been working my not-so-little hiney off.
Lets see.
Where to begin, there is so much and yet SO little to discuss.

Work has been in a word: out-of-this-world-upper-stratosphere-of-busy-insanity.
And yes, that is a technical term.
Major project release, temp resources, weekly trips to the Quad Cities (oh yeah -- hotbed of excitement that one) and some long ass work weeks.
This has been the bulk of what I have been doing.
That and family stuff.
My Grandmother had her 90th birthday mid-July. This is the one that keeps getting herself into trouble with her less than stellar behavior.

But isn't she cute with her birthday hat on? We had a nice time. Good chunk of the family was there. That weekend re-enforced the fact that I am in FACT related to a good portion of North Eastern Iowa. I mean, like 80 people there and in some way, I was related to all of them.
Bizarro.


And then in a twist of fate, only possible in my family -- she passed away 10 days later.
So we got to do the whole family insanity thing again, this time with all the extra fun that comes with an Irish-catholic funeral.
Let me tell you, it is something to behold. I mean, I am always amazed at how these things play out. It is the strangest combination of uproarious laughter, crying, drinking and eating. And it can be one or all 4 of those things in combination at the same time.
I am also pleased to report that I was able to go into the church, attend a full mass and NOT be struck down by lightening. A fact both myself and my sister commented on.
Of course, I was balancing that whole week with the fact that it was our release week for another part of the application we are developing, so I spent some time in our Cedar Rapids office when I wasn't in funeral mode.
For the record, I have driven in major cities with very little problem. Give me a decent map and I can get around.
I CANNOT get around downtown Cedar Rapids without 3 wrong turns and backtracking like 10 blocks. Don't know why, but that downtown is ridiculous.

So after all that played out... Resumed work as usual. And just in time for Julie and Scott to come into town for a few days of celebrating all that is tacky and oddly Iowa.
They came in on a Thursday night - stayed until Monday AM. So we took in a few choice things in and around the Des Moines area.
Talladega Nights -- saw it.

"I'm gonna come AT you Chip"

has to be one of my new favorite quotes. That and the group favorite

"Tractor Beam of Hotness"

I laughed a lot during that movie. We all did.
Julie and Scott also did a little something special to commemorate their wedding annivesary.
It was a permanent decision and involved ink and needles.
Yep, they got tattooed. And I was there to watch the whole thing. It was quite the night. For the record, they looked AMAZING. I will track down some pics of them.
It was fun to be on the other side of that experience for once. Watching each one of them work through the pain in different ways. If you see Scott, ask about how often that needle goes into the skin -- I believe he worked that one out after counting down from 1,000.
We had a good time.

And then, it was time for the big dog. The Grandaddy of Mid-American Cliche's
The Iowa State Fair.
Yes. We went. For a whole day. We grazed, we drank, we mocked, we awed, we starting smelling like the pigs at the end of the day.
All in all a good time. A few highlights....
The Prize Bull -- coming in at 3090 Lbs
Meet "Blacky" - extra points were given for creative naming....












There was the patriotic...












The Obvious












And the most ridiculous thing that two grown men (Nate and Scott, you know who you are) could point and giggle at....
















And yes, that is Waldo, the prize pig. He came in at a svelte 1199 lbs.

All in all a good trip. I am not sure if Julie and Scott will ever come back -- you can only see so many couples with 4 teeth BETWEEN them before you get a little overwhelmed.
So that was the trip in a nutshell. And for the record:

• Fried chicken on a stick
• Fried cheese on a stick
• Porkchop on a stick
• Corndogs
• Funnel cakes

And we tried for the twinkes, but the line was stupid long. So not only did we get our "fair-0n" we also gained 30 lbs.

And the only other area that warrants discussion at this point is of course the matchmaking.
Or MASSIVE lack thereof.
I shall not bother with the details at this point -- frankly, I get pissed whenever I think about it. At this point, nasty letters have been sent, no matches have actually come to any sort of fruition and I have my lawyer friends giving me legal recommendations....
Stay tuned for that one.
I think this means that somone in the cosmos is telling me to just take a break for a little while.
Either that, or I am 150% destined to date a 40 year old with 3 kids.
Lets hope for the former.
I am expecting a call back sometime today. We shall see. And so, with the marathon post, photos and whatnot, it is time for me to call it a day. I of course, have a ga-zillion things to do, but motivation today is pretty low. Which is scary, because by the end of the week, I will be kicking myself for not getting stuff done.
Whee.


Oh yeah,
Now Playing: Sufjan Stevens

Go West Young Woman

Now Watching: The Daily Show

So, got to go to the Quad Cities today...
Go ahead, envy me.
Really... green yet??
Envy anyone??

Alright, I will stop.
So I am cruising down I-80 headed East .... and just before you hit the Quad Cities, you hit the WORLD'S LARGEST TRUCKSTOP

Drum roll....
**Iowa 80**

Lets take a look at all the beauty that you can find at this place...
Iowa Shot Glass -- check
POW/MIA Badge for your leather vest -- check
Puerto Rican Flag -- check
Wrench -- check
Ceramic Wolf Statue -- check
Bald Eagle/American Flag t-shirt -- check
oh, and for good measure, lets throw in a crystal dolphin and a china doll for the kids.

This place is mecca for all that is fruitful and trucky.
So today, as I am driving by, there is a huge sign advertising the "Iowa 80 Truck Jamboree" -- BBQ, vendors and a beauty competition -- FOR YOUR TRUCK!!
A freakin' 16 wheeler beauty competition.
This is the state that I live in.


So worked all the live long day in the lovely downtown of Moline, IL.
And while I was toiling away I found this little story....
I have been trumped. My potential of literary glory is now gone. The british chick stole my book. Before I even did anything about it. I am a slacker.
Nothing new on the boy front. The Love Guru is slacking as well. Frankly, I am going to open a can on him if things don't get better before tomorrow AM. If I don't, Martine certainly will.

Ok - short one for tonight. I have to go hang with my cats -- they currently hate me.

I leave you with this...
As Chris pointed out this weekend.
Shaun of the Dead
See the movie. It is hysterical.