Gray Day #3

so - this is the third day in a row that has been gray, overcast, gloomy and more than a little bit chilly.
Now, i love fall. I really do. But I love the crisp, autumn days with SUN. I mean i am not a sun goddess by any strech of the imagination, but if i don't get some soon i am just going to fade away. which would be pretty impressive given my already pale existence.

what else is going on?
things are developing on the boy front. rather interesting actually. talked to st. louis -- his name is david, for the record. which was great. totally made me smile. i am coninutely amazed at how many things we have in common.
crazy.
we shall see. of course, now everyone wants to know "when are you going to meet him". um, hello. lets not rush into anything. this is me we are talking about.

watched the debates last night. un-impressive. from both sides. i would have liked to have seen kerry get a little more assertive with "W". but we are down to the last 3 weeks. Thanks god. i mean i have an opinion on how i think things should work out, but i cannot wait for all of this to be over for another 3 years.

i have a massage tonight, and at this point, i am just counting the minutes until i go. this gray-ness has taken any energy out of me.

Twist of fate...?

So things have gotten pretty interesting round about here. Ok - nothing that dramatic, but good for a change. I went on my date with one of the online boys that lives here in DSM. And he was a nice guy, but I am afraid no sparky-spark. And then, that very night that I got back from the aforementioned sparkless date, I got an email from Mr. St. Louis. Some of you may not remember him. Allow me to refresh your memories....we got along really well, definitely had something going and he met someone locally. I thought no ill of it. Couldn't blame him really. Date someone right in front of you or keep emailing some random a state and a half away. No brainer. But anyway... he let me know that he was back in the "scene" as it were. I really hate that statement. What scene? Are we actors? posing for some ego centric director to tell us where to go? what to do?
rambling again.
apologies.

So we have been emailing like fiends ever since. I am not sure that I can write something to him that is less than at least 4 paragraphs long. And he is the same way. I dunno. It is so weird. We agree on SO much. Have a lot in common. I am just waiting for the bottom to drop out. I mean, it is the jaded bitter woman in me, but come on...seems too easy. We are supposed to talk sometime this week - he is on vacation with friends and wants to call me while on vacation? who does that? I guess we will see where this crazy journey takes me.
So scary, exciting, cool... i really don't know how else to take it.

ok- also started the diet. Lost 7 lbs so far. Not great, but getting there. Also started back to the yoga classes. 3 times a week. Things are going well.

Eeek.
scary when things are going well.

Patience is NOT a virtue

at least not one that i am familiar with. this whole "mom has cancer thing" has turned into one long session in limbo. first they move the tests, then they tell us 24 hours for results, then it is the weekend, then they schedule an appointment to review the results and we still know NOTHING!!! ugh. soooper annoying. i just want to know what is going on so i can get myself prepared for the next few months, treatment, all that stuff. as a result, my motivation to get things i SHOULD be thinking about done is lacking.
A lot.

one postive note this week. Julie got her wedding pics posted up to the internet.
this photographer is absolutely amazing. everything about them is fantastic. they literally brought tears to my eyes they were so well done. Of course, i can buy what i want, and so the list is growing. they are really gorgeous.

the boy thing is moving forward, but i am getting a little annoyed. i don't know. i feel like things are just so busy right now that making time for things just seems like more work than i am willing to give. either that, or i am just looking for excuses not to move forward on any of this.
jury is still out. will keep you posted, natch.

Life on a Chain

Ok- I swore that i was going to do a better job on getting this out and in a timely manner.
Things have just been a little crazy. I was in DC pratically all summer. The wedding was amazing. I of course, lost it during the toast. I swore to myself that I wouldn't... but alas, i failed.
Julie & Scott were inspiring. It really was great. http://www.hollandphotoarts.com/Julie-Scott/
So had just gotten back (missed Sturgis this year :( ) and was getting back into the swing of things when a few things went down.
1- Heather is moving to Chicago. No surprise really. She is looking for a job there and will be gone as soon as she gets something.
2- My car got keyed. That ruled.
3- My mom has cancer again.

The last one kind of got to me. Not sure what she has. There are a whole slew of tests that they are going to run her through tomorrow. My worst fear is that it is bone cancer. That stuff is nasty. So I am pretty pissed. I have to think that once is enough. I mean, I know that this is nothing new for a lot of families, but man. The fates are not being kind. Until I know what we are dealing with, I am not really allowing myself to get upset about it. Seems a waste at this point.
Just sucks. Majorily. Of course, I have done the whole "worst case scenario" thinking and about burst into tears just thinking about it. Sounds so "oh pity me" but when I got the call, I really just wanted someone to hug. And there was no one there.

ON that note, the online thing is moving forward ok... I actually have been talking (ok, well emailing) some guys that live in DSM. Which of course means, at some point I have to meet them. That part is kinda freaking me out. Not sure why.... ? It would seem to be the natural evolution for this sort of thing. Meet, talk ... HANG OUT. But no, not me... I have to get all wigged out about it.

Work is good. Keeping busy. Some days I just want to scream. People can be so fucking dumb.
That is all I can say. Dumb, Dumb, Dumb..... But it is keeping me busy... and everyone else that i know.

Ok- that is plenty for today. I will keep this more current. I SWEAR IT!!!!